Mishaum Point News
|The Mishaum Point News has been published since
Summer 2002. Below is a
link to back articles.
The sun always rises in the East, clocks always run clockwise and Jimmy Pingeon is a savage—So you thought.
In a move so stunning that it has people throwing up, Jimmy Pingeon has embraced the ultimate symbol of suburbia with a brand-spanking new minivan.
“With a second child on the way, we felt this change in lifestyle was the practical move to make,” says Jimmy. Expecting mother Elizabeth Pingeon commented that Jimmy’s wild nature has been significantly vanquished by paternal responsibilities. “Driving kids to soccer practice in an old wreck full of dirty underwear really wasn’t going to cut it for our vision of the future” said the couple.
Speaking from the grave Henry David Thoreau remarked that he feels deeply betrayed by Jimmy’s self-imposed taming. “I have always looked down at Jimmy with pride and hope. Now I look down and see a minivan—it makes me sick with despair.”
Greatly pleased by public reaction to his purchase Jimmy comments, “Why don’t people understand how good this minivan is? It has bucket seats, air, cruise control and a full-sized spare tire. In addition, I really like having the higher perch from which to view the road. Besides the safety features are unbeatable.”
In Mishaum old Beetle Cats race old Beetle Cats, and it is the skill of the sailor that determines the outcome, but is there some foul play afoot threatening to change the dynamics of Saturday racing?
According to many sources Russell Pennoyer will be unveiling a new Beetle Cat this summer with competitive advantages great enough to ensure the winning of any race. The move, akin to Australia’s wing-keeled America’s Cup entry in 1982, is raising eyebrows around the Yacht Club and trouble appears to be stewing.
Pennoyer has offered very few details about his new boat, at times indicating that the boat is not even new, but just his old Victoria refurbished-- the new boat is not renamed. He has gone to great lengths to play down the speed potential of Victory insisting that the boat is nothing special. “I had the bottom painted and some new lines installed but little more than that”.
But conversations with employees at Beetle, Inc. have raised some controversial points. According to sources in the shop, Pennoyer's Victoria is a brand-new boat built as a special project and employs sophisticated composite material made to look just like wood. The boat is also rumored to house advanced electronic navigation gear in the mast that can be used to calculate wind angles off the mark as well as predict wind shifts. “It would be ridiculous to race Victoria against a regular Beetle Cat,” mentioned a Beetle, Inc. employee. “It would be the hare against the tortoise, but in boat racing, slow and steady won’t cut it. A monkey could race that boat and never lose.”
Commodore Phil Douglas has expressed outrage over the new boat. “I will not stand by and allow Russell Pennoyer to sweep the races using some tricked-up, super boat.” Douglas has repeatedly attempted to enter Beetle Inc. over the winter in order to get a glance at Victoria. “Beetle Inc. had blackened all the windows in the shop and placed security guards at the building. Clearly something big has been going on this winter, and I know Russell Pennoyer was behind it,” fumes Douglas.
Some members of the MPYC think Pennoyer’s fast boat may be putting its owner in an embarrassing position. “If he wins most of the races, we will have to go to court. If he doesn’t, then he looks weak” says former Commodore Richard S. Perkins III.
One thing is certain all eyes will be on Victoria this racing season.