Mishaum Point News
Morton S. Bouchard III, President and CEO of Bouchard Transportation admitted today that the Buzzards Bay oil spill was done on purpose.
“My firm has had many spills over the past few years, but we have never achieved the milestone of having the worst spill in any one area. We have always caused the second or third worst spills,” said Bouchard.
“On April 27th we were shooting for Buzzards Bay's biggest spill ever. Unfortunately the weather turned calm and oil collection ships showed up on the seen before we were really able to get rolling. Needless to say, I am disappointed in how little oil actually got out. We leaked 100,000 gallons, but we had the potential to really soak the whole area.”
Taking the warning seriously, President Shapleigh phoned Director Pennoyer who quickly called in an air strike. Less than a minute later three F-15 fighter jets broke from routine patrol and swooped down on the approaching speedboats. With a radar lock, two F-15s dropped 500-pound, guided bombs pounding both speedboats just as the boats were about to hit the Point. The blasts rocked the shoreline and could be heard as far as Newport.
Director Pennoyer gloated at the success of the foiled
attack and praised the F-15 pilots. “Today we showed the world that the
full force of the US Military will be used to protect our shores."
authorities today linked a team of Al Qaeda operatives to the Bouchard oil
spill in Buzzard’s Bay, and concerns are that further attacks against
Mishaum may be planned. “This despicable act was committed by evil doers
whose only religion is the spread of evil and oil. We will find them and
bring them to justice,” President Rusty Shapleigh said.
As a precaution President Shapleigh has created a no fly zone over the Yacht Club and Boat dock. “Those two areas receive tremendous foot traffic in the summer, and we just want to play it extra safe. In addition there will be military air support at all Beetle Cat races throughout the summer."
Mishaum authorities said that they had foiled plans by at least 4 terrorists
to carry out strikes believed to be aimed at the Parker’s tennis court. “I
can’t give you specific details but we are having some success in our war on
terror in Mishaum.” said Pennoyer.
Mishaum’s War on Oil
With the beaches now swarming with Coast Guard and far less oil damage to be found than expected, locals are questioning what is worse: beaches covered with a little bit of oil, or scores of cleaners in hazardous matter suits yelling at would be sand castle builders. Winter resident Tom Davis was instrumental in pressing the Coast Guard to move on to Mishaum. “The threat was real and we needed to apply pressure.”
The general Mishaum population is calling for a return to normalcy, and talks swirl around a regime change. There is no clear leader waiting in the wings to take over Mishaum post clean up, but exiled, former president, John Barrows is seen by many as a likely transitional leader until the Point can be made stable. Davis and others disagree and believe the Coast Guard should remain indefinitely to assure Point cleanliness.
Meanwhile, all of this is making Salter’s Point very
nervous. Salter’s has remained free of oil but Coast Guard supervisors hint
that a landing on the Salter’s beach may be next.
“There is so much oil just wasting away on the beach that we thought we should do something about—and make a buck while we are at it,” said a company spokesman. The plan is to collect the oil off the beach area near the boat dock, and pipe it up the road where it will be reprocessed and used in cars needing an oil change.
Given that the Mishaum beaches are so oil soaked, the company sees no harm in replacing the dirty oil they take out of cars and putting it on the beach. “From a business standpoint, this makes total sense for us. We only take the oil we need and we never put back more than we take—and we don’t have to pay for anything.”
The site of the service center will be at the top of the Boat Dock path allowing easy access from either end of the Point. Construction will start in June and be finished by the middle of August.
Russell Pennoyer, a consultant to Jiffy Lube and investor in the center believes the project makes a lot of sense for Mishaum. “This is one of the most wonderful things to happen to the Point. “Why should we drive all the way to New Bedford for an oil change when we could get one in our own backyard,” said Pennoyer.