Mishaum Point News
Taking the warning seriously, President Shapleigh phoned Director Pennoyer who quickly called in an air strike. Within less than a minute three F-15 fighter jets broke from routine patrol and swooped down on the approaching speedboats. With a radar lock, two F-15s dropped 500-pound guided bombs pounding both speedboats just as the boats were about to hit the Point. The blasts rocked the shoreline and could be heard as far as Newport.
Director Pennoyer gloated at the success of the foiled attack and praised the F-15 pilots. “Today we showed the world that the full force of the US Military will be used to protect our shores."
It is believed that eight terrorists were killed in
the attack, but those responsible for the planning are still at large.
Oil Spill Now Believed to Be Act of Terror
Mishaum authorities today linked a team of Al Qaeda
operatives to the Bouchard oil spill in Buzzard’s Bay, and concerns are that
further attacks against Mishaum may be planned. “This despicable act was
committed by evil doers whose only religion is the spread of evil and oil.
We will find them and bring them to justice,” President Rusty Shapleigh
As a precaution President Shapleigh has created a no fly zone over the Yacht Club and Boat dock. “Those two areas receive tremendous foot traffic in the summer, and we just want to play it extra safe. In addition there will be military air support at all Beetle Cat races throughout the summer."
Last week Mishaum authorities said that they had foiled
plans by at least 4 terrorists to carry out strikes believed to be aimed at
the Parker’s tennis court. “I can’t give you specific details but we are
having some success in our war on terror in Mishaum.” said Pennoyer.
Mishaum’s War on Oil
With the clean up phase of Mishaum’s War on Oil almost
certain, tough questions remain as to what comes next. Some think the
beaches will be pristine by summer while others speculate it will take years
of continued Coast Guard clean up to stabilize the situation.
With the beaches now swarming with Coast Guard and far less oil damage to be found than expected, locals are questioning what is worse: beaches covered with a little bit of oil, or scores of cleaners in hazardous matter suits yelling at would be sand castle builders. Winter resident Tom Davis was instrumental in pressing the Coast Guard to move on to Mishaum. “The threat was real and we needed to apply pressure.”
The general Mishaum population is calling for a return to normalcy, and talks swirl around a regime change. There is no clear leader waiting in the wings to take over Mishaum post clean up, but exiled, former president, John Barrows is seen by many as a likely transitional leader until the Point can be made stable. Davis and others disagree and believe the Coast Guard should remain indefinitely to assure Point cleanliness.
Meanwhile, all of this is making Salter’s Point very
nervous. Salter’s has remained free of oil but Coast Guard supervisors hint
that a landing on the Salter’s beach may be next.
Jiffy Lube to open service on Mishaum
In an attempt to find a silver lining in the oil spill tragedy; the Jiffy Lube Corporation announced today that they will open a service center on Mishaum.
“There is so much oil just wasting away on the beach that we thought we should do something about—and make a buck while we are at it,” said a company spokesman. The plan is to collect the oil off the beach area near the boat dock, and pipe it up the road where it will be reprocessed and used in cars needing an oil change.
Given that the Mishaum beaches are so oil soaked, the company sees no harm in replacing the dirty oil they take out of cars and putting it on the beach. “From a business standpoint, this makes total sense for us. We only take the oil we need and we never put back more than we take—and we don’t have to pay for anything.”
The site of the service center will be at the top of the Boat Dock path allowing easy access from either end of the Point. Construction will start in June and be finished by the middle of August.
Russell Pennoyer, a consultant to Jiffy Lube and investor in the center believes the project makes a lot of sense for Mishaum. “This is one of the most wonderful things to happen to the Point. “Why should we drive all the way to New Bedford for an oil change when we could get one in our own backyard,” said Pennoyer.
Jimmy Buys a Minivan
By Rita Skeeter
The sun always rises in the East, clocks always run
clockwise and Jimmy Pingeon is a savage—So you thought.
Beetle Cat Trouble
In Mishaum old Beetle Cats race old Beetle Cats and it is the skill of the sailor that determines the outcome, but is there some foul play afoot threatening to change the dynamics of Saturday racing?
According to many sources Russell Pennoyer will be unveiling a new Beetle Cat this summer with competitive advantages great enough to ensure the winning of any race. The move, akin to Australia’s wing-keeled America’s Cup entry in 1982, is raising eyebrows around the Yacht Club and trouble appears to be stewing.
Pennoyer has offered very few details about his new boat, at times indicating that the boat is not even new, but just his old Victoria refurbished-- the new boat is not renamed. He has gone to great lengths to play down the speed potential of Victory insisting that the boat is nothing special. “I had the bottom painted and some new lines installed but little more than that”.
But conversations with employees at Beetle, Inc. have raised some controversial points. According to sources in the shop, Pennoyer's Victoria is a brand-new boat built as a special project and employs sophisticated composite material made to look just like wood. The boat is also rumored to house advanced electronic navigation gear in the mast that can be used to calculate wind angles off the mark as well as predict wind shifts. “It would be ridiculous to race Victoria against a regular Beetle Cat,” mentioned a Beetle, Inc. employee. “It would be the hare against the tortoise, but in boat racing, slow and steady won’t cut it. A monkey could race that boat and never lose.”
Commodore Phil Douglas has expressed outrage over the new boat. “I will not stand by and allow Russell Pennoyer to sweep the races using some tricked-up, super boat.” Douglas has repeatedly attempted to enter Beetle Inc. over the winter in order to get a glance at Victoria. “Beetle Inc. had blackened all the windows in the shop and placed security guards at the building. Clearly something big has been going on this winter, and I know Russell Pennoyer was behind it,” fumes Douglas.
Some members of the MPYC think Pennoyer’s fast boat may be putting its owner in an embarrassing position. “If he wins most of the races, we will have to go to court. If he doesn’t, then he looks weak” says former Commodore Richard S. Perkins III.
One thing is certain all eyes will be on Victoria this racing season.
The ideal car for a budding family of four